Liberals Win the War on Christmas. Conservatives Big Losers

American conservatives gave up over the weekend allowing liberals to win the war for Christmas.

Liberals Win the War on Christmas. Conservatives Big Fat Losers
Liberals Win the War on Christmas. Conservatives Big Fat Losers

America, It’s What’s For Dinner — After almost a decades-long battle, liberals have declared victory on the war on Christmas, with conservatives finishing a distance 3rd behind Betty White fans. According to more than one source, the final battle came this past holiday season when much of the country’s conservatives gave up.

“No one was expecting this,” said Christmas historian Amanda Campbell who studies both war and Christmas, “but the conservatives didn’t even bother to show up this year. And I’m not just talking about the usual Fox News antipathy, and I mean the regular, Chick-fil-A loving folk. They didn’t even put up Christmas lights up.”

Although many think the War on Christmas is a recent phenomenon, it actually dates back to the 1920s when Henry Ford, of the Ford Motor Company fame, published a series of pamphlets claiming to expose “the whole record of Jewish opposition [to] Christmas” and other Christian holidays like Easter. As with other conspiracies of the past, the war on Christmas has its roots in a vile form of antisemitism.

In 2004, conservative TV host Bill O’Reilly revitalized the woeful “War on Christmas” for modern audiences. Although author Peter Brimelow apparently coined the phrase, O’Reilly launched it to new heights on his highly-rated Fox News program.

This is why many were surprised when conservatives didn’t just wave the white flag. They just gave up and went home.

What does this mean going forward? Well, according to liberal activists, not much.



“Nothing is going to change because nothing changed in the first place,” said Center for Equality and Media Overwatch’s Margie Capperoni. “It was the original fake news. No one was trying to suppress the most powerful and wealthy religious group in the world. Nor was anyone trying to limit their speech. It was all made up in their heads to make them feel like victims.”

According to Ms. Capperoni, religious and political conservatives can continue to celebrate their sacred holidays both in private and in the public square, as long as it doesn’t involve the use of government resources.

“It might be more helpful to their cause if they didn’t make themselves out to be victims,” continued Ms. Capperoni. “It also would help if they got out next year and put up their Christmas lights. We weren’t expecting such an easy victory.”