The partial remnants of the children's all-night soda pop bender.
The partial remnants of the children’s all-night soda pop bender.

Scotts Flat Lake, CA — After allowing the children to consume whatever they wanted, a local family learned the hard way that a steady diet of soda pop and potato chips can have a direct impact on the groin health of fellow camp-mates. The Grant family of Nevada City had made the mistake of allowing their two children to consume as many Coca-Colas as they wanted to, which led to a maniacal, all-night soda bender while the two Grand adults slept during their annual end of the Summer camping trip to Scotts Flat Lake.

“Those kids were out of control,” said Jason Besterfield who was camped in the lot next to the Grants and their extended party. “Wild. I mean wild. I’m certain they didn’t sleep all night, and there was a huge pile of empty soda cans outside the tent.”

According to friends who shared the campsite with sugar-charged Grant kids, the children consumed almost 2 cases of cola which apparently impaired their ability to sleep. When the adults arose in the morning, the children were ravaged with the remnants of processed sugar and caffeine, and processed to dart about the campground running full-force into people’s dicks with their fists.

“We normally wouldn’t allow them to eat and drink all that junk food,” said a regretful Stacy Grant in an early morning interview. “But it was camping, you know. it’s supposed to be fun, and frankly Warren and I were a tad tipsy from drinking, so we were not paying attention.”

The situation worsened when one of the Grant family friends who was sharing the campsite with them brought out 2 dozen glazed donuts.

“I think that’s that straw that broke the camel’s back,” said father Warren Grant. ” Janet brought out all these donuts, and the kids literally pounced on them. Within 5 minutes all of them were eaten, and the kids start running around back and forth across the campground. Anyone who got in their way got a huge punch to the dick. It was horrible.”

Although no one was seriously injured, Ms. Grant says in retrospect, she would have done things differently.

“The whole thing was embarrassing. The screaming, the punching,” continued a remorseful Ms. Grant. “We never eat like this at home. I was trying to let the kids have some fun but it kinda turned into a real-life version of the Lord of the Flies.”

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