Jill Stein's attempt at "sensitive" comedy bombed over the weekend at a Eugene, Oregon comedy club.
Jill Stein’s attempt at “sensitive” comedy bombed over the weekend at a Eugene, Oregon comedy club.

Eugene, OR — Former Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein’s “sensitive” comedy routine went down in flames over the weekend at Eugene’s Brickwall Comedy Club, according to several sources who attended the failed show.

Recently, Ms. Stein criticized several comedians for being mean to her.  Targeting HBO Last Week Tonight host John Oliver in particular, Ms. Stein invented the new term “corporate comedian” to deflect the spotlight away from some of her more unsavory positions and questionable stock holdings. Some have compared her to Donald Trump who also has surprisingly thin skin. She made it clear on her campaign website last week that she was a victim of something new called “corporate comedy,” lumping herself and her run for president with several marginalized causes, oddly referring to herself in the third person as “the [o]ther.”

“We need to begin having honest conversations about the oppressive tactics corporate comedians continue to do towards already-marginalized groups of people,” said Ms. Stein on her campaign website referring to the vast comedian conspiracy to victimize her. “This country was built on oppressing The Other (Blacks and indigenous people) and I’m not going to stand for more of this while we deal with major crises in this country that could determine whether we’ll even survive as a species. Read my statement about how deceptive comedy continues to silence anyone who speaks out against it.”

To show that she’s not, in her words,  a “sour puss,” Ms. Stein spent the weekend at Eugene’s Brickwall Comedy Club to “model” what good comedy should look like. Several in attendance said her performance was at best weird and unfunny, and at worst, a catastrophe of human expression.

“It was really unnerving,” said University of Oregon Junior Megan Lutz who came with 3 other friends to watch Ms. Stein deliver her ‘sensitive’ brand of comedy. “When she got up on stage, she just stood there for a minute saying ‘hi’ to everyone and waving. Then she spoke a bit about John Oliver and North Dakota. I mean, that was bad enough, but then she started in on the jokes. I’ve never heard the place so quiet.”

Some of Ms. Stein’s repertoire included such groaner gems as:

  • An ewok walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a whiskey and a soda.” The bartender asks him “why the little pause?” The ewok replies, “I don’t know. I was born with them.”
  • What if soy milk is just milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
  • Ugh, communism has no class.

As well as over 15 minutes of knock-knock jokes like:

  • Knock knock. [who’s there?] Cows go. [Cows go who?] No silly. Cows go moo.

Not everyone was disappointed in her routine. North San Juan, CA Anarcho-Capitalist David “X” was visiting his sister and happened to catch the Jill Stein show.

“I thought she was great. I mean, she’s all over the statists. And she supports Bitcoin. I could have done without her knock-knock jokes, but her whole segment on central banking was hilarious.”

Following the performance, despite the fact that the majority of the audience had left, Ms. Stein held a 27 minute discussion on why Howard Zinn is still relevant and something called “internal neo-colonialism.” According to the management at the Brickwall, she will not be invited back.

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