Some Terrorist Guy. Boo!
Some Terrorist Guy. Boo!

“I do carry on occasion. Sometimes a lot. I like to be unpredictable… unlike our country, where we’re totally predictable, and the enemy, whether it’s ISIS, the coloreds, or anybody else, they know exactly what we’re doing, because we have the wrong leadership. The wrong color on the flag, so to speak. Temporarily not the White House, if you know what I mean.”

“The French are letting people do whatever they want, and these killers proved that stopping guns in France led to stuff. In history, I mean. But the attack the other day proves that,” reasoned another concerned Republican presidential front-runner, I don’t remember which.

Mike Huckabee simply pointed out that “these evil people are only attacking countries and cities that have gender equality and homosexuality. I think it’s something we ought to be looking at.”

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When reached for comment about the recent terrorist attacks and the subsequent responses from the GOP, Gov. John Kasich pointed out that “these attacks only happen because we are attacking their homes, in their own countries. We came to them with fire, and so, they come to us with fire. Sorry, Jeb [Bush], but your brother caused this mess.”

John Kasich’s presidential campaign ended exactly 17 minutes after that last statement.