Lansing, MI — Since November of 2016, a group of conservative Michigan activists have been pushing President Trump and Republican lawmakers to investigate and impeach former President Obama. Several groups have sprung up around the country, many originating with the Tea Party movement, which started right after Obama’s election.
“Everyone knows what Obama has done to this country, and he needs to be held accountable for it,” said Impeach Obama Now! founder and president Jess Hazard. “Look at the thousands of people he killed in Benghazi. Personally, I think he was trying to cover up his Kenyan birth certificate, which was stored in that embassy.”
Many constitutional experts and even more casual observers with an IQ above 93 have noted that impeachment can only happen with a sitting president.
“You can’t impeach a president once they’ve left office,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute of Public Policy and Veterinary Arts. “It’s amazing that I have to utter that. Even words like treason are flung around without the slightest understanding of what that is. We’ve stopped using more academic words to describe this cohort and now call them dipshits.”
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a dipshit is described as “a stupid or incompetent person” and considered a vulgar term.
In recent days, former President Trump has raised the “Obamagate” canard without any detail or evidence of any crimes. Even when pressed for said details, Mr. Trump deflected like a child telling reporters “You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody.” The President’s renewed attacks on his predecessor have encouraged people like Mr. Hazard to up their game.
“Look, he killed doctors, he gave Iran all our money, and he took my guns away,” continued Mr. Hazard holding an AR-15 outside the Michigan State Capitol building. Oh, and don’t forget that he’s a Muslim and gay. Which makes sense because his wife is a man. So Obummer needs to be impeached right now.”