Washington, D.C. — A member of the right-wing men’s liberation militia, the Proud Boys, regrets a social media post shared last week in which he claimed, “I’m oppressed! Watch them arrest me for storming the Oval Office. Just watch.” Dustin Jayce Dickens of Penn Valley, CA made the post to Facebook late last week and went on to say he was going to “prove it.”
“Benton [a close friend of Mr. Dickens] loves exercising his 2nd amendment rights at a bunch of cops,” Justin said in a fabricated Facebook post last week. “And the cops ran up and forcibly detained him. Of course, he was released without charges, but still. So, It’s my turn to show what freedom is all about.”
On Friday evening, several news outlets reported an unidentified man matching Mr. Dickens’ description was arrested after scaling the perimeter White House wall and making his way towards the Oval Office. According to NBC and Fox News, he was overheard shouting “Let’s go Brandon” moments before being tackled by Secret Service personnel. In addition, CNN reported that Mr. Dickens accidentally relieved himself in his pants after being pinned to the lawn, although that claim has not been verified.
Mr. Dickens, who didn’t graduate from High School and is a vocal and aggressive Donald Trump supporter, recently stirred up trouble around his local Nevada County for what many call his arrogant and overcompensating attitude regarding his truck. Several eyewitness accounts claim that he regularly disregards basic traffic laws, often blowing through stop signs, making illegal right turns from the far left-hand lanes while screaming “Freedom” from his Wish.com car PA system.
One area resident claimed she saw this disgruntled divorced father of two tossing what appeared to be a box of nails out his window, although Gish Gallop has not confirmed that. More recently, there have been disturbing reports that he attempted to drive over several hybrid and electric vehicles in the Raley’s supermarket parking lot, because in his words, “why the fuck not?”
A spokesperson for the Dickens family said this was the first they’ve heard of the incident and “just want Dustin home safe.” When contacted for comment, his estranged wife said she doesn’t care what happened to “the asshole, but I hoped it hurt” and that she believes that “this means no more child support for a while.”