Washington D.C. — The Republican national committee working with House of Representative conservatives announced late last week that they would push for a new law and possibly change the Constitution to raise the voting age to precisely 54 1/2 years of age.
“This is what Democracy is all about,” said Brock Whalen (56) from his Penn Valley, CA home. “The citizens vote and control their destiny. And one way to do that is for the voting majority to say who gets to vote. And that vote starts right here with the grassroots organizing.”
Over the past few years, many groups have decried what they see as “judicial activism” after the courts recently launched many voter-driven initiatives. That is until GOP appointed conservative judges to the courts, and since then, not one peep. However, as Conservative activists call it, current “plus 54.5” supporters are worried that the courts won’t make it through Congress.
“We voted to keep the gays from marrying,” said a stern Mary Shilling (74) of Penn Valley. “And those liberal judges overturned the will of the people. You know, to put them in their place with their parades and fancy drinks. I used to be a Democrat until the gays took over the party in the 1970s, so they’re a lost cause. I’m hoping that handsome Jim Jordan can do something about all these young people screwing up the country.”
Constitutional scholars and non-dicks universally agree that voting to remove or limit Constitutionally guaranteed Rights is off-limits.
“You don’t vote on Civil Rights,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute for Public Policy and Hygiene. “It’s not something that people decide by popular vote or even legislative action. Instead, it’s what Thomas Jefferson meant by ‘certain unalienable rights.’ And it’s why we have the courts to watch over all this.”
It is unclear if the Republican Party supports these admittedly controversial changes through Congress, let alone the 2/3 requirement to change the Constitution. But supporters are confident.
“Oh, once the Republicans get it on the floor of the House, and Trump starts tweeting, we’re in,” continued Brock Whalen. “That’s the easy part. And given how the Senate is stocked with older men and will do whatever the President says, it’s a shoo-in, as my grandpa used to say. I figure the hard part is telling all these young people that they will have to wait. They’ll have written the bill in such a way that convinces your average 29-something that it’s in their best interest to disallow their voting. I think we can do that.”