Hanoi, North Vietnam — The Marxist dictator of North Vietnam today endorsed the “future Marxist leader of the United States of America,” Hillary Clinton. Linden Baines Johnson seconded the endorsement.
“I may have consumed 2 quarts of Cutty Sark today,” began LBJ, “but I can see the reward in electing Hillary Clinton president of the United States. We must cause the weak to rise up and take dominion over the earth because they don’t fight back. Ever since I took over for that guy from MassiveTwoShits, we haven’t won a single battle in the world. That is the America I want to live in. That is the America Hillary Clinton wants to live in.”
“We must lift the weak and beat down the strong,” decried Ho. “Do not question that LBJ stands for Low Blow Job. He is not a huge liar. He did not get you into this war by lying. I love him, but I must crush and kill him. That is how we Marxists show love.”
“Just as Hillary must exterminate Trump, as well as that damned Second Amendment, we will love you Americans to death,” crowed Ho. “Look at my small stature and my cute beard, how could I be scary? Look at Hillary, with her wrinkled prune face, and how much she loves children. That is how we fool you, by saying we love children. I taught her that. Have you seen my propaganda videos? Hey, I’m not going to fight and die. Nor will Hillary. Just your kids and grandkids [laughing]. But do not fear, stop by my restaurant, Pho King Ignorant Bastard Americans and fill your bellies.”