Facebook — Moments after being shut down for violating Facebook’s community standards, the 92-year-old publication Gish Gallop purchased the troubled page and planned on relaunching it as a orgonite and pro-beef industry re-education page.

“We are excited to take the Heath Nut News page in a new, more rational direction,” said Nevada County Gish Gallop President and former army sniper Louis “Lou” LaPlante in an early morning press conference. “For years we’ve pleaded with Heath Nut Erin, as we call her, to tone it down and embrace rationalism and science. But it’s always the same thing with her. Things like ‘they are part of the vast conspiracy to poison us’ and ‘you really should be using honey instead of antibiotics.'”

According to sources close to Erin Elizabeth, aka Erin at Health Nut News, Internet “trolls” took her page down in an attempt to silence her food and alternative health revolution, which includes the importance of cannabis in your diet, how vaccines aren’t safe, and how vigorous masturbation with raw vegetables is key to thyroid health.

Erin has started a counter-campaign to re-seize the controversial page from Gish Gallop. Still, many experts believe this effort will be in vain due to the online newspaper’s sizable payment to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s “Save the Children with the Internet Foundation.”

There is no timeline set for the relaunch, but according to Lou LaPlante, “it will be sooner than later.”

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