Inside a Typical Dollar General Store. That's living.
Inside a Typical Dollar General Store. That’s living.

Grass Valley, CA —  In a bold move to satisfy local residents’ desire for impulsive crap purchases, Dollar Bargain Direct Enterprises announced it was opening what will be the 15th under-a-dollar bargain store in Grass Valley, a city of just over 12,000 people.

“We believe that Grass Valley is an under-served market for the bargain shopper,” commented Dollar Bargain Direct VP of Marketing, Shep Andrews. “People are looking to squeeze every dollar as much as they can in this tough economy, and Grass Valley is the perfect place for this.”

None of the other 14 dollar-only-product store managers could be reached for comment, but the general sentiment from Grass Valley residents was positive.

“I love the canned tuna for a dollar,” opined Meredith Fisher of Cedar Ridge. “Sure, there are bits of metal in the can, and I’m not positive it’s even 100% tuna, but you just can’t beat the price. The new Dollar Bargain Direct store is totally welcome here. Maybe the new competition will drive the prices down to $.95!”

A brief stop at the other dollar stores by Gish Gallop staff revealed a bustling business.

“Look, I can get Comex scouring cleaner for $1.00,” proclaimed Jim Basen of Grass Valley. “It’s the only thing that cleans my well-water stains, and it also kills rats. It must be because it’s made in China or something.”

According to Shep Andrews, the new 4,869 square-foot store will be opening at the end of January 2017.

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