The Associated Press has proclaimed the Golden State Warriors 2016 Champions.
The Associated Press has proclaimed the Golden State Warriors 2016 Champions.

Oakland, CA — The American professional basketball team Golden State Warriors have won the NBA championship, the Associated Press (AP) is reporting. The team, which has yet to finish the playoff finals with rival the Cleveland Cavaliers, was declared NBA champions after the AP wanted to “get out in front of the news cycle with real reporting,” according to sources close the esteemed news organization.

“The AP is known for its investigative reporting,” said AP spokesperson Bethany Millbright in an early morning conference call. “And we’ve had boots on the ground for weeks calling experts, talking to players and even bookies in Las Vegas. It’s clear that the Cavaliers have already lost. In fact, they lost as early as two weeks ago, however we are a disciplined organization so we held off on the announcement until this week.”

This latest evolution in reporting, which some industry analysts have called “projective-bias journalism,” first came to light earlier this week when the Associated Press attempted to disenfranchise perhaps millions of Bernie Sanders supporters by proclaiming Hillary Clinton the presumptive Democrat nominee despite the fact delegates are not pledged until the party convention.

“This is the new role of journalism,” continued Ms. Millbright. “It’s about putting our bias up front in our stories. No more rhetorical shifts and subtle use of adjectives to infer it. We’re going right out and advocating what we think should be news. And so far, Hillary Clinton supporters are thrilled with the results, as are I might add, Golden State Warrior fans.”

According to a brief provided by the Associated Press, they plan to announce that the Denver Broncos have won Super Bowl 51 and that Microsoft Windows 10 is indeed going to be a part of a massive population reduction program in November of this year.

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