Washington, DC — A recent American survey revealed that the Fox News Channel (FNC) had captured the number one spot in the critical “people who stare at the television all day” demographic. The sampling of over 42,000 Americans also revealed that the FNC is also the overwhelming choice of Americans who “keep the television on at full volume so they can hear it throughout the house” population.

“It keeps me company,” said Carrol, Texas retired engineer Davis Punt (69), who says he keeps Fox News on all day because the conservative network ‘owns the stupid ‘libs’. “It’s like having a friend over who likes to yell. It spices things up in the house. I turn it up when my mouthy democrat son-in-law comes over.”

Mr. Punt’s son-in-law, Dale Billings (42), says he is not a democrat, claiming he’s voted as an independent in the past four elections.

“I don’t know what the old man is talking about, but he seems to have a lot of preconceived notions about things,” commented Mr. Billings, who married Punt’s daughter in 2004. “But he watches Tucker and Hannity religiously. And by religiously, I mean it’s like a religion for him. He could use some Jesus or something.”


According to Adweek, the average age of a typical Fox News Channel viewer is 65, down from 66 in 2016. The 3.3 million households watching Sean Hannity’s show on a nightly basis, is just under 2 million senior citizens. As to not be outdone, the average age of a typical MSNBC viewer was also 65, proving that seniors consume a lot of news television. A lot.

What makes Fox News unique in its top spot, is that over 94% of its viewers are white, which reflect the massive reaction of aging conservatives to the tremendous demographic shift to the “browning of America,” as some sociologists have noted. As for the balance of Fox News viewers, 3% are Latino, 2% Asian, and 1% Black, according to Nielsen surveys.

“Fox News is the medium for aging, white America,” said economist Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute of Public Policy and Game Theory.

“They’re from another age where the TV was the primary medium of communication and entertainment,” continued Professor Badwater. “So, as we continue to hear which cable-news channel is the most-watched, it’s always helpful to know exactly how many people that involves, and what they look like. It’s about 1% of the U.S. population, and most viewers are white people over 65.”

Also, according to Adweek, MSNBC has the most African-American prime-time viewers of any cable network. CNN, which features Don Lemon, the only black anchor in a prime-time slot, ranked eighth among all cable networks in African-American viewers that year. He’s 8th, the study noted, because he mostly sucks, not because he’s black.