Indianapolis, IN — In a surprise announcement today, former Vice President Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage. The controversial Republican elected the 50th governor of the Hoosier State has been a long-time proponent of a “Biblical view” on homosexuality.
As a member of Congress stated that the legislative branch “should oppose any effort to recognize “the homosexuals” as a ‘discrete and insular minority entitled to the protection of anti-discrimination laws similar to those extended to women and ethnic minorities.”
“It [gay conversion therapy] was instrumental in helping me overcome certain urges,” said the Vice President in an interview with Fox News. “With God’s help and the work of many of His therapists, I was able to seek the straight path when I was a younger man. If it weren’t for that, I would have never been able to marry.”
Conversion therapy is psychological or spiritual counseling designed to change a person’s sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. Such procedures are controversial and are a form of pseudoscience.
However, many orthodox and fundamentalist Christians believe it works, citing numerous spurious anecdotes of success. In ancient times before 1981, conversion therapies in the United States and Western Europe included ice-pick lobotomies, chemical castration, and various hormonal treatments. Efforts were concentrated mainly on men, as female homosexuality was viewed as “hot.” This split along gender lines was due to Americans’ general stupidity.
Many of Mike Pence’s classmates at Indiana University said the young Pence struggled with “identity issues.”
“Oh, Mike was always a well-groomed sharp dresser,” said University of Chicago Professor James Badwater, a dorm roommate of Mr. Pence in 1983. “He was private and kept to himself. He had a large collection of Men’s fitness magazines and listened to Wham! Continually. He got into the conversion thing the next year and quickly married Karen [Mike Pence’s wife] the following year. It’s been great having our first gay Vice President.”
It’s unclear how this news will impact Donald Trump, if at all; however, many GOP insiders maintain that this demonstrates his commitment to diversity and the “widening” of the party’s platform to be more inclusive of what has traditionally been party outsiders as they face this year’s midterm elections.