NASA, FL — Jeanette Kurtz of Orlando, Florida, had finally landed her dream job three years ago working for the National Aeronautical Space Agency (NASA) working as a computer audio/visual design specialist. She had done everything the right way. She studied computer-generated imagery or CGI at Florida State University and graduated at the top of her class. However, early this week, she and 15 other visual designers were laid off from NASA’s secretive Department of Information and replaced by a Supercomputer running IBM’s new Watson operating system.
“I am just devastated,” said Ms. Kurtz (29), speaking about her sudden loss of employment. “I’ve worked so hard to get this job, and then I get replaced by a computer? It’s just terrible. When I ever going to have the chance to bend the Earth into a globe or hide the Antarctic ice walls? Answer? Never again. I’m so bummed.”
Of course, this recent announcement in NASA’s “Flat Earth Deception Divisions,” as it’s called by people who believe the Earth is flat and not a globe, has further provided additional “evidence” to those who maintain once was a fringe and frankly antiquated theory.
In declaring that “NASA imagery is fake,” Philadelphia, PA resident and flat earth practitioner Jim Orzman told Gish Gallop he doesn’t believe man ever landed on the moon. He questioned why no legitimate photos – only CGI composites – of round Earth exist.
“I’ve always been suspicious of media and how it controls our minds,” Mr. Orzman said, noting that he believes the powers-that-be stage deaths to spark anti-gun votes amongst politicians. “Knowing this, why should we trust the maps as well? This is deception on a big scale. And NASA is behind it all. They’re hiding land and resources. The elite writes our history, and they’ve all conspired to hide land from the masses for years.”
According to a NASA spokesperson, the agency doesn’t acknowledge that the clandestine Department of Information exists. Still, she did comment that they were in the process of downsizing certain operations given the recent budget proposal, which is being floated by the Trump Administration.
“We’re trying to be as proactive as we can give the current and forthcoming budget constraints we face,” said Bethany Millbright, NASA Director of Communications, discussing the recent layoffs. “We are taking steps to automate the way we operate, and some media divisions simply require a smarty-pants supercomputer like IBM’s Watson. I mean, that was the real hold up. We needed to find an artificial intelligence that was both creative and had a snarky sense of humor. Employees like Ms. Kurtz and others are encouraged to seek other jobs within the agency.”
As for Ms. Kurtz, she remains optimistic.
“I’ve already had other job offers from the public sector. GSK and Pfizer both need visual artist talent,” continued a somewhat somber Ms. Kurtz. “But I wanted to work from within the government. It’s where I feel I can have the most impact.”