El Paso, TX — President Trump tweeted earlier this week that Islamic prayer rugs were found on, around, and within the US border, prompting a massive swell of paranoia throughout the Midwest. The alarm may have been premature, as it seems that a local flea market operating out of El Paso was trying to pull a Yes Men-type of practical joke operating under the name of Hey, Baby Que Paso Flea Market.
The Yes Men are a culture jamming activist duo and network of supporters created by pranksters Jacques Servin and Igor Vamos. They aim to raise awareness about problematic social and political issues, most recently “punking” the entire nation into thinking President Trump has resigned by publishing a fake version of the Washington Post on January 16th, 2019.
The Hey, Baby Que Paso Flea Market didn’t exist before this past week, as El Paso’s anti-daytime street merchant ordinance blocked all public selling. Recent Senatorial Candidate Beto O’Rourke has made a campaign pledge to revoke this arcane rule. However, the fake flea market organizers, angered by Beto’s defeat by incumbent Ted Cruz, decided to take matters into their own hands.
The Flea Market Responds
“We didn’t think it would backfire that bad, what with making Trump say something stupid, and all, said Hey Baby market spokesperson Bethany Millbright in a Facebook post explaining the latest prank. “The rugs we put out there, they were Chinese toilet rugs. Like the ones, you put under your toilet to catch the dribbles. We didn’t think nobody would know the difference from the Islamic ones, and they didn’t.”
According to city officials, several Islamic prayer rugs were transported by “little Mexican boys on bicycles and Vespas.” It is unclear if said Mexican boys were in the United States legally. However, further investigation revealed that it was just one young teenage boy from Columbus, Ohio, who was visiting relatives in El Paso. Hey, Baby organizers paid him $420 to place four rugs at the border.
An Unwitting Teenager Helps Out
“I had never been to a real Mexican market before,” said 17-year-old Thor Kunze. “My Auntie told me she’d never heard of this flea market before, but said I could take the Vespa down there to look around as long as I used my money. Then this lady comes up to me and gives me $400 and tells me all I have to do is put these stupid rugs over by the border. Easier than mowing lawns.”
The young Kunze quickly made his way to the Mexican border, which was about 1/2 mile away. Along the way, as instructed, he ‘roughed-up’ the rugs to make them look worn.
“Yeah, she told me to drag them through the dirt to make sure they didn’t look new. There was no one down there at all, which made it easy.”
Patrolling border enforcement officials claim there is no evidence of Mr. Kunze’s activities but did say one of their agents did find the dirty prayer rugs later in the day, mentioning that they looked like “cheap Persian knock-offs.”
“Officer Heberto Villareal Linares spotted the rugs at about 1600 hours just on this side of the border, approximately a 1/2 mile from downtown El Paso,” said Immigration and Customs Enforcement Chief Ben Davidson. “He mentioned that they looked new, but someone had recently attempted to soil them with dirt.”
After ICE filed the report, the news flew through conservative social media outlets, and then into President Trump’s Twitter feed. The organizers of Hey, Baby Que Paso Flea Market, couldn’t be happier.
“We are very pleased that our work made it to the President’s iPhone,” continued Ms. Millbright. “We have several other operations planned shortly. Stay tuned.