Washington D.C. — The cable news network CNN is reporting that President Trump is directly related to King Henry the VIII of England. The President received news today during his marathon morning television routine. According to those close to Mr. Trump, he had always assumed he was of Aryan heritage. However after receiving the information from CNN, Trump went on an hour-long rampage in the White House’s West Wing in his bathrobe.
King Henry VIII was one of the best known monarchs in England’s history. He ruled during the 16th century, was known to have six wives, two of whom he beheaded. He named himself the head of the Church of England, deposing the Pope who refused to grant Henry a divorce, beginning the Reformation of the church.
Trump is said to be in a depression as he thought he had pure Aryan genes. It turns out he is 80% English, 10% Mexican and 10% Middle Eastern.
Trump had this to say about the test results.
“Unbelievable, this is just another example of a liberal organization undermining me,” said Trump. “It is just like the fake news reported today. I know I’m of pure, superior blood. My blood is great, just terrific you’ll see.”
The Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacists are distancing themselves from Trump as a result of the test. They feel as though they have been fooled.
KKK member Todd Blevin told Gish Gallop, “he is just another charlatan now, how can we support him? He’s a damn Mexican. He probably has a sombrero in his closet!”
It is unclear if the test results will affect the President’s policies, especially that of the proposed wall along the Mexican border.