New York, NY — Earlier this week, the FBI, with the assistance of the NYPD raided convicted sex offender and child rapist Jeffrey Epstein’s home in Manhattan and discovered a locked safe. When law enforcement gained access to it, they discovered number disturbing artifacts including piles of cash, fake passports and naked photos of underage girls.

This discovery has led to considerable discussion in many conspiracy circles to conclude that a global pedophile network exists. And that this network gives credence to previously debunked conspiracy theories such as Pizzagatem which alleged that global elites were using pizzerias to traffic children.

But it was one document, a document that was encrypted in a coded cipher that now has investigators searching their heads.

Anon is a far-right-wing conspiracy theory detailing a supposed secret plot by an alleged “deep state” against U.S. President Donald Trump and his supporters. Started in 2017 on the Internet site 4Chan, QAnon claimed to have “inside” knowledge of how the forces inside the United States Government were actively working to topple Donald Trump.

The FBI Couldn’t Decode It

FBI Investigators initially struggled to decode the encrypted document. That is until they contacted Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago’s Badwater Institute for Computing and Culture or ICC.

“Well, I had my people look at it,” said Professor Badwater. “The hash was tough, but thanks to the people at IBM and their artificial intelligence expertise, we were able to crack it in about 42 hours.”

Professor Badwater’s team found that the document contained instructions on what to do in case Mr. Epstein was every caught by the authorities. The message was directed at the popular websites 4chan and 8chan. The document was signed by “Q.”

“Well, it’s clear that Mr. Epstein thinks he’s QAnon who’s been stirring up reactionary opinion on the Internet,” continued Professor Badwater. “The document did contain some other evidence that only QAnon would know, like the names and phone numbers of some powerful people. There is also some discussion about normies and pepperoni pizza and something called the storm, but we have no idea what any of that means.”

No Comment from the SDNY

A spokesperson for the Southern District of New York (SDNY) refused to comment on the encrypted document, other than to say that it did have additional information that the FBI was investigating it.

“We don’t normally comment on cases that are active in the system,” said SDNY spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “But we can confirm that there have been several credible death threats associated with this new document directed at several court officials.”

However, this hasn’t stopped details from leaking. One such aspect included references to videos capturing President Trump “on vacation” with “the bear.” These are code words conspiracy theorists say refer to his potentially compromising involvement with Russia.

When asked about what the ‘vacation with the bear’ meant, President Trump bristled during an afternoon press conference.

“Look, they’re just videos. Any fat guy in their Mom’s basement can make a video like that with a good computer program and make it look like me or anyone. But you know that” said Mr. Trump answering a question shouted by NPR correspond Daphne Daddel. “They all do it, and it’s happening all the time. Thank you.”

For their part, 4chan and to some extent the more extreme 8chan were unusually quiet.

“Q has been silent for the past couple of weeks, and I think we know why now,” said 4chan user who goes by boxxymot. “Now I think we know why. He’s been in jail. But he’s shared a lot of information with us, and some respects, we don’t need him the person anymore. It’s more about his spirit that drives things now. That will live forever. The battle continues.”

The office SDNY says it has no plans to release “sensitive discovery” until years after the trial is over.

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