Dallas, Texas — After a successful visit to the Lone Star state, President Donald Trump surprised a Dallas rally by revealing that he has a Christian Stigmata on his right hand. Speaking in front of a joint rally of the Texas Conservative Coalition and the Christian Coalition of America, Mr. Trump had just finished discussing his three favorite books: Time to Get Tough, The Art of the Deal, and the Bible. In that order.
As he spoke of the Bible, the controversial Republican President seemed confused and started to abruptly exit. As he left the podium, a collective gasp arose from the audience as he raised his right hand clearly revealing a Stigmata.
“I was absolutely awestruck when I saw it,” said Dallas resident Betsy Myers in a Gish Gallop Zoom interview. “We used to be worried that President Trump lacked the Christian credentials to lead our county during these dark times. But after he raised his hand, we saw in him the leader that America needs.”
Stigmata (singular stigma) is a term used by members of the Christian faith to describe body marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet. The term originates from the line at the end of Saint Paul’s Letter to the Galatians where he says, “I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”
While many of the President’s critics were skeptical of his latest “Christian showing,” as many of his ardent supporters are calling it, the White House had a nonplussed response to what would be an obvious miracle. In fact, when asked about it, Trump’s Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said, “we hope that America sees he is a man who is what he says,” and provided no further comment.