Conservative Leadership Confused by Trump’s Success

Republican party leaders and conservative pundits are shocked by the rise of Donald Trump.
Republican party leaders and conservative pundits are shocked by the rise of Donald Trump.

Leaders across the Republican party, as well as some of the top conservative pundits in America, have expressed shock at the apparent hijacking of the Republican party by presidential candidate Donald Trump, who held a commanding lead in the polls following Super Tuesday.

Rival presidential candidate Ted Cruz was noticeably upset.

“How did we get where we are today, that Donald Trump of all people could convince millions of people to vote for him? He’s rude, boorish, says ridiculous and insulting things, I don’t know how he survives in the Republican party.”

Conservative radio host and intransigent critic of everything, Rush Limbaugh, decried Trump as a RINO – a Republican in Name Only.

“Donald Trump stands for nothing but barely hidden bigotry, and most of what he does is smoke and mirrors covering nothing of substance,” Mr. Limbaugh announced on his show. “He’s preying on the fears of the most frightened and easily tricked people in America. How did someone who represents everything that is ugly about humanity ever rise in the GOP of today?”

A more sober, analytical Mitch McConnell added, “[Trump] refuses to negotiate with anyone he can’t bully and would rather smash everything than not get exactly his way. He’s impossible to work with and only interested in grandstanding. He’s a horrible choice for America, and the people really need to be less gullible. I can’t believe they’re falling for such a ridiculously obvious manipulation.”

Across the spectrum, conservative leaders could offer little insight into how Trump broke free of the establishment to terrorize the country. And while some have marshaled their forces with the intention of fighting him, he may have grown too powerful to overcome, a view that has driven at least one commentator to despondency.

An uncharacteristically morose Bill O’Reilly offered his pithy thoughts as Trump looked about to lock in the Republican nomination.

“Had I right, for my own benefit, to inflict this curse upon everlasting generations? … I shuddered to think that future ages might curse me as their pest, whose selfishness had not hesitated to buy its own peace at the price, perhaps, of the existence of the whole human race.”


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When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.