Santa Clara, CA — Beleaguered former San Francisco 49ers quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, can’t help throwing gasoline onto the fires he starts. After refusing to stand for the Star-Spangled Banner before the 49ers, Packers game on Friday evening, Kaepernick unleashed a tirade of hate speech upon America in an exclusive ESPN interview. The following day he dropped a bombshell of epic proportion.
“About six weeks ago,” Kaepernick began to the hosts of CBS 13 Good Morning San Francisco, “I converted to Islam. I have become increasingly disenchanted with America and Christianity. There is so much hate and inequality globally, and Mohammed teaches us that it is all because of the blue-eyed infidels. This is why I have chosen to fight against America and its Christian values and fight for peace and love with Islam.”
Kaepernick was asked what he plans to do to bring about change.
“I want to lead America to become my very own Caliphate,” answered Kaepernick to some very sour faces. “I will lead the Islamic Jihad here in America. This has been coming for some time, well, ever since I found out that Osama Bin Laden was my biological father. I was born to lead. Remember how I single-handedly led the 49ers to the Superbowl?”
The station cut to commercials about this time, and Mr. Kaepernick was offset when the morning show returned. The anchors then had a little fun at the expense of Mr. Kaepernick. “I bet he is changing his name to Irun al-cantpassi,” taunted one anchor to hysterics. “Or, Iben al-crappy,” taunted another. It looks like Mr. Kaepernick is no longer being well received in the Bay area. He might need a hole to hide in after the last two days.