Trenton, NJ — Former New Jersey governor and Trump confidant Chris Christie made an urgent plea this weekend to reopen the nation’s largest chain of all-you-can-eat family buffet restaurants.
Mr. Christie is back in the news today as reports came in from an area Golden Corral restaurant that the New Jersey governor had stormed the favorite family-style buffet restaurant to “make a statement.”
“We had just started preparing for a limited reopen,” said Freehold, New Jersey Golden Corral salad station manager Jared Heldenswire. “And he just came marching through the doors and started yelling stuff about bullshit tyranny. We thought it was some kind of militia attack, and all the employees started to run out the back door. But then the General Manager told everyone to calm down, that it was just Christie and everyone should return to their stations.”
The governor instructed his assistants to “clear everyone out by the help,” and they proceeded to do so. Of course, there were no customers, and Christie had the entire buffet to himself.
“He was saying things like, ‘where to start’ and ‘that prime rib looks delicious,” continued Mr. Heldenswire. “I offered him my salad station, and he yelled at me. He said something like, ‘I don’t eat that animal food crap. Thanks anyway.’ I just kept quiet after that. He didn’t mention anything about a lockdown after that. He just ate.”
For his part, Mr. Christie said it had nothing to do about the food, but rather “combating a coordinated campaign to slander him.”
“You have numbnuts like Phil Murphy who shut everything down,” said the former governor early this morning on Fox News. “And then he and his cronies have the nerve to put out a statement comparing me to George Wallace and Lester Maddox for wanting to open the economy. Now, come on guys, at some point, you’ve got to able to call BS on those kinds of press releases.”
Although he admitted that the Golden Corral was his favorite “joint,” Christie wanted to make it clear that he was thinking about the future.
“If we make the tough decisions now, we will be one year ahead of 80 percent of the states in the race to economic growth. If we fail to act, we will fall even further behind… by going first; we can become first.”
A spokesperson for the former governor said that she saw nothing wrong with his behavior, adding that this was “the governor’s prerogative,” even though he’s been out of the office for more than three years.
“Look,” said Christie spokesperson Bethany Millbright, “he’s still the governor for most people, and he can do whatever he wants. The people of New Jersey elected him because he is a rogue character and knows how to take control. I know we’re not used to strong leaders, but America needs to get used to that.”
The governor spent over 90 minutes dining in the restaurant while his family waited patiently in the parking lot while his security detail prevented other customers from entering the restaurant. He did not leave a tip.