Cell Tower Kills Local Man

Joe Aguinaldo was electrocuted by lightening bolts emanating from a Grass Valley cell tower.
Joe Aguinaldo was electrocuted by lightning bolts emanating from a Grass Valley cell tower.

Grass Valley, CA– These days we rely on our cellphones for everything from shopping to dating. They give us directions and help us stay in touch, but what happens when the technology becomes a weapon? Cellular towers may seem harmless, but they are hiding a secret that turned deadly Friday night.

Local resident Joe Aguinaldo was driving home from Nevada County Fair where he was nearly arrested for fighting a clown. As he approached SBA incorporated’s cell tower in his 94 Chevrolet Astro van, a bright light arched out of the tower and struck Mr. Aguinaldo in the mouth killing him instantly.

Witness Anna Sibaldo spoke with Gish Gallop about the incident.

“Was the scariest damn thing I’ve ever seen, out of nowhere, BAM!” screeched Ms. Sibaldo. “I almost spilled my beer all over the steering wheel! That guy was burnt up like charcoal, the tower was making some weird beeping noises so I got the hell out of there.”

Police are not sure whether to investigate this as a homicide or an accident. They only have one witness statement to work on and a dropped business card to a local Mexican restaurant.

Sheriff’s deputy Tom Foy spoke to Gish Gallop about the investigation.

“Well, we don’t have much to go on. It does appear the tower has been tampered with,” said Foy. “Other than the witness statement all we have is the dropped business card, we will follow-up on that later, for now we gotta take care of ‘crispy’ here.”