June, 2022

Weather

Sharia-based Community Left Unscathed by Hurricane Dorian

One South Carolina Muslim community believes that God spared them from Hurricane Dorian's fury.

Department of Defense Experimenting with Fluoride Chemtrails

The DoD is expanding its current PZ-11X1 and PS-09B3 chemtrail distribution programs by adding aerosolized fluoride into its disbursement systems.

FEMA Statement: We’re Fucked

Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) released a statement saying that we're doomed and have no hope.

Weather Channel To Include Mass Shooting Forecasts

Late this week, the Weather Channel announced that it would start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in the local weather segments they broadcast.

California Appellate Court Rejects Fake News Chemtrail Defense

"People have to understand that there is a coordinated effort to control our weather with the sole purpose of controlling the population," said Mr. Johanson to 3rd District Judge Jeffrey Bartholomew do later dismissed his motion. "They are controlling everything above us, and the weatherman is a part of this Fake News conspiracy."
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In a surprise announcement, the National Security Agency or NSA will conduct and publish all Press Releases in Haiku according to Deputy NSA for Strategic Communications Ben Rhodes. The move appears to be an effort to make the oft-criticized security agency look hip, modern and less onerous with regards to personal liberty.

Local Schizophrenic Lawyer Sues Self for Fall

Nevada County is about to make legal history as Fernwood Z. Frischland, Esq., filed a civil suit against himself for a nasty fall he suffered in front of his home at 24444 Old Tunnel Road.