January, 2022

Satire

Several Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Area Man to Use Biden Stimulus Money to Start Anti-Biden Blog

It's money well spent, according to Mr. Ripper.

Denny’s To Charge For Premium Service

Denny's is adding a "tiered" service menu to generate more revenue and attract new customers: good service, decent service, or regular terrible service. The program is set to roll out in select cities next week.

Adobe to Retire Impact Meme Font

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.

Black Friday Questioned by Police

Some police departments have expressed concerns over the recent trend of municipalities to treat Black Friday as deserving of a holiday.
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Popular

Area Man Grows Giant Hairy Cock

Walter Truman is primarily an egg farmer in Camptonville, but in an attempt to make a better layer he also breeds chickens.

Supply Chain Issues Linked to Massive Cat Attacks

Department of Defense officials say they are taking "humane steps" to help "mitigate the threat."

Trump Pushes “Eating Your Shit” as Treatment for COVID

In 2020, it was bleach, in 2021, it was horse paste, and now in 2022, it's your piss and shit as "cures" for COVID-19.

CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel

Esteemed CNN Chief Political Correspondent Dana Bash admitted this morning that she is still struggling with her brother over a Big Wheel he received when they were children.

Area Sports Collector Suspicious of Autographed Ball

Area sports memorabilia collector and owner of Ron's Sports Emporium Ron Jessup has some concerns about a recent baseball brought in by an area man.