December, 2021

Satire

Several Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Area Man to Use Biden Stimulus Money to Start Anti-Biden Blog

It's money well spent, according to Mr. Ripper.

Denny’s To Charge For Premium Service

Denny's is adding a "tiered" service menu to generate more revenue and attract new customers: good service, decent service, or regular terrible service. The program is set to roll out in select cities next week.

Adobe to Retire Impact Meme Font

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.

Black Friday Questioned by Police

Some police departments have expressed concerns over the recent trend of municipalities to treat Black Friday as deserving of a holiday.
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Christian “Terrorists” in Trouble for Illegal Chemtrailing

A group of Christian chemtrailers are in trouble with both civil and military aviation officials for using their aircraft to spread the "the divine Word of Christ."

Easy Bake Oven Thwarted by LED Light Bulb

Warren Grant of Nevada City became agitated on Wednesday when his daughter's Christmas Gift, a "retro" Kenner Easy Bake Oven, failed to cook the small-batch cake mix.

Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs

The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.

Why I Should Be The Next Supreme Court Justice

There is a lot of controversy going on in our government about the next Supreme Court justice and who should be allowed to choose them. I have a simple solution, choose me.

Dalai Lama Finds Time to Relax with a Fidget Spinner

His holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, surprised audience members at this year's 7th Annual Ohio Spiritual Awakening Festival or OSAF when he mentioned that he used a fidget spinner to occasionally "relax and center himself after a hectic day."