August, 2022

Sports

Osama Bin Laden To Colin Kaepernick: I Am Your Father

In an unbelievable turn of events, the reach and resources of Gish Gallop have uncovered a bombshell. NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49’ers is the son of terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden.

Newton Reveals That He Is Black Quarterback

Carolina Panthers superstar, Cam Newton, delivered a startling revelation during his Thursday meet and greet with Super Bowl media, disclosing for the first time that he is, in fact, a black quarterback.
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Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.