August, 2022

Sports

Kim Jong-un Purchases Michael Jordan

North Korea has made the usual step of purchasing a basketball player.

Yankee Fans Rejoice as Fenway Park Chosen for Terrorism Simulation

The drill which will run this weekend will be led by the Boston Police and will feature multiple explosions and gun rounds and other realistic sounds that Yankee fans say will frighten the "feeble minded Red Sox."

Ben Shapiro Breaks World’s Fastest Bumper Sticker Reading Record

For the second time in less that five years, Conservative pundit Ben Shapiro has broken a record.

Jogger Wounded by Falling Bitcoin Near Empire State Building

That weight came to bear on a New York jogger's head as she exercised her morning run through the financial district of Manhattan.

Los Angeles Dodgers Refuse Trump Visit

The Dodgers have told President Trump to "take a hike."
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Popular

Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.