August, 2022

Regional News

Future Active Shooter Disappointed About C- Manifesto Grade

Garth Gall of Clovis, CA says he plans to work hard to get his grades up.

San Francisco Harvests Human Feces for Building Materials

San Francisco with the help of Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff created a revolutionary new process to deal with the City's homeless problem.

World’s Largest Dog Terrifies Regional Park Visitors

The world's largest dog made a surprising appearance in a Reno, NV regional park over the weekend. The dog, called Muffles by Rochelle and Carla Smithson of Truckee, CA, started several people out on leisurely day trips to Peterson Mountain west of Reno.

Wayne Brown Correctional Facility Voted Best Winter Resort by Via Magazine

In what began as a unintentional delivery of 3000 copies of Via Magazine to Wayne Brown Correctional Facility has turned into a big win for their public image.

Area Voyeur Disappointed After Recent Facebook Watch Party

Jack Burke of Weston, VA says he plans to try Facebook Watch Parties again after his 30 day ban is done.


Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.