June, 2022

News

Area Boy Recovering After Shark Attack

Adam Mills, 16, sustained non-life threatening injuries after he was attacked by, in his words, "a really big f'ing shark" while paddle boarding on the iconic Sierra Nevada foothills lake.

Area Man Caught Smuggling Easter Island Artifact

Cedar Ridge exotic pet owner Pete Johnson is in hot water today at Sacramento International Airport after he attempted to smuggle an entire Easter Island moai (one of the Island's famous monumental statues) through customs.

White Supremacist Group Politely Declines Invitation to Protest in South Central Los Angeles

A Georgia-based white supremacist group has politely declined an invitation to hold a protest in South Central Los Angeles, CNN is reporting today.

Pope Francis Blesses Grade A Indica

In a surprise revision to the recent Papal encyclical, Pope Francis has decided to bless Indica strains of Marijuana.

Mysterious Air Force Space Vehicle Actually a Taco Truck

The appearance of an apparent long-silvery space vehicle in the downtown Grass Valley, CA Safeway parking lot has been verified as an out-of-town Taco Truck and not a US Air Force surveillance device.
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Local Schizophrenic Lawyer Sues Self for Fall

Nevada County is about to make legal history as Fernwood Z. Frischland, Esq., filed a civil suit against himself for a nasty fall he suffered in front of his home at 24444 Old Tunnel Road.

Protesters Tear Down Georgia Guidestones

The controversial apocalyptic Georgia monument proclaiming end-of-the-world scenarios was toppled this past week by a group of leftwing activists.

Woman Legally Incorporates Uterus to Avoid Government Regulation

Taking a page from the Republican Party's handbook, Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her Uterus in an attempt to gain the many regulatory exemptions many corporations enjoy.

Bernie Sanders: I Will Make America Metric

Bernie Sanders announced to a crowd of over 14,000 people at a campaign stop at NYU in New York City that when he is elected President, his first executive action will include a plan to convert America's ancient imperial measures and units to the metric system.

Obama Offers to Trade SCOTUS Pick for Second Amendment

President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) has reportedly sent word to Senate Majority Mitch McConnell (R-KY) that he is willing to negotiate a deal in which the president would willingly sacrifice his Supreme Court nomination in exchange for the Second Amendment.