June, 2022

News

San Francisco Alt-Right Protest Canceled Due to Fears over Gay Activist DJs

 The leader of a right-wing group that had planned a Saturday rally at Crissy Field in San Francisco said Friday he had decided to call off the event due to fears of what organizers called "militant gay DJs."

Borg Accidentally Assimilate Charlie Sheen

Cheers rang out across the Federation yesterday as officials announced that the Borg had accidentally assimilated American actor Charlie Sheen into the collective.

Gish Gallop Review: Travelin’ Man by Ricky Nelson

I was originally going to review the latest Die Antwoord album Donker...

Sean Hannity Invests in Trump Real Estate

Fox News host Sean Hannity has reportedly purchased over 2-inches of prime real estate owned by Donald Trump, snatching up a cozy, undeveloped property.

Hooters to Celebrate Breast Cancer Survivors

In a nod to appear both sensitive and politically correct, Hooters has announced the opening of the first bar and restaurant to hire only breast cancer survivors who have had one breast removed.
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Popular

Local Schizophrenic Lawyer Sues Self for Fall

Nevada County is about to make legal history as Fernwood Z. Frischland, Esq., filed a civil suit against himself for a nasty fall he suffered in front of his home at 24444 Old Tunnel Road.

Protesters Tear Down Georgia Guidestones

The controversial apocalyptic Georgia monument proclaiming end-of-the-world scenarios was toppled this past week by a group of leftwing activists.

Woman Legally Incorporates Uterus to Avoid Government Regulation

Taking a page from the Republican Party's handbook, Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her Uterus in an attempt to gain the many regulatory exemptions many corporations enjoy.

Bernie Sanders: I Will Make America Metric

Bernie Sanders announced to a crowd of over 14,000 people at a campaign stop at NYU in New York City that when he is elected President, his first executive action will include a plan to convert America's ancient imperial measures and units to the metric system.

Obama Offers to Trade SCOTUS Pick for Second Amendment

President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) has reportedly sent word to Senate Majority Mitch McConnell (R-KY) that he is willing to negotiate a deal in which the president would willingly sacrifice his Supreme Court nomination in exchange for the Second Amendment.