August, 2022

News in Brief

Cinnabon To Open At Nevada County Airport

Citing both an improving economy and slightly increased air traffic, Cinnabon, the nation's largest chain of of cinnamon-rolls producing bakeries has announced plans to open it's first local store at the Nevada County Airport.

Area Woman to Replace Dull Scissors but “Might Keep Them Around”

Alta Sierra, CA -- Area woman Nancy Woods might just keep...

Brief: Grass Valley Police to Hire Former Ferguson, Missouri Officer

The Grass Valley Police Department release a memorandum late this week notifying the public that it has hired a former Ferguson, Missouri police officer. In the memo, the department wanted to make it clear that the new hire was in no way politically motivated, nor was there anything more "than a routine hire."

Theo Huxtable To Replace Cosby As Jell-O Spokesman

Kraft Foods, makers of the popular gelatin dessert food thing Jell-O announced on Friday that it would be replacing long-time spokesman Bill Cosby with former Cosby Show son Theo Huxtable.

Local Man Unclear Why Phone is Beeping

Area man and fresh Vacaville, CA transplant Tommy Empire can't for the life of him figure out why his new Samsung Galaxy mobile phone is constantly beeping. He's read the manual and talked to customer support for over 3 hours and still can't stop it from beeping.


Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.