May, 2022

National News

Trump’s Convention Keynote To Be Delivered By Klansman In Tinfoil Hood

The 2016 Republican keynote address will be delivered by a Grand Wizard Henry McMillan of Hobart, Tennessee. McMillian will address the audience in both his klan robes and a tinfoil hat, sources say, in order to put the Republican voters at ease.

Indy 500 Winner Alexander Rossi’s Car Powered by Hemp Oil

Following the stunning win of the Indianapolis 500, Alexander Rossi revealed the secret to his success: hemp oil. The 24 year old Nevada City, CA native said he's been using a hemp oil fuel mixture for over 2 years with great success.

Area Man’s Spirit Animal Disemboweled by Trump Sons Eric & Donald Jr.

For area man, Al Homssi, 24, his spirit animal met a violent death via disembowelment at the hands of First Sons Eric and Donald Jr. following a disagreement over health care reform.

The Four Horsemen Appearance Over Trump’s Scottish Golf Course Has Citizens Spooked

Residents of the Turnberry resort in Scotland were spooked over the weekend when the four horsemen of the apocalypse appears over the signature Trump golf course, the UK Daily Mail is reporting.

Fracked Well Water 100% Safe as Lighter Fluid, Industry Says

Researchers using a sensitive chemical analysis say they have found evidence of fracking fluids in well water near a shale gas drilling site in Bradford County, Pennsylvania. An industry spokeswoman said the hydraulically fractured well water is as safe as ordinary lighter fluid.
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Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA couple Carolyn and Jarrett Roush had an embarrassing misunderstanding.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.