May, 2022

National News

Amazon Warehouses Now Issuing Adult Diapers to Workers announced that it would be providing adult diapers for all of its fulfillment center workers.

Conspiracy Researcher: St. George, Utah Doesn’t Exist

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that St. George, Utah is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls "the Macon anomaly" for the past 3 years.

Average Texas IQ Drops by 11.4 Points After 100 Brains Stolen

Following the theft of 100 brain specimens from University of Texas at Austin, the collective IQ of Texans dropped by 11.4 points to 91.6, announced researchers.

Bill Hicks Kills Off Unpopular “Alex Jones” Character/Says Joke No Longer Funny

In what some consider to be the longest running prank in the modern era has come to an abrupt end this week when famed comedian Bill Hicks finally killed off his controversial and unpopular character Alex Jones claiming "it's not funny anymore."

Bernie Sanders Proposes “Enchirito Restoration Act of 2020”

In what some are calling some of the Vermont Senator's greatest achievements, Bernie Sanders took to the chamber floors yesterday afternoon to introduce what he's calling the Enchirito Restoration Act of 2017 which seeks to force fast food giant to re-introduce the enchilada-like item on its menu.


Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA couple Carolyn and Jarrett Roush had an embarrassing misunderstanding.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.