August, 2022

National News

Study: Google Discriminates Against African-Americans

A 2 year study by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has determined that the Internet behemoth Google, Inc., which is a subsidiary of the newly formed Alphabet Inc. is actively discriminating against African-African Americans on a number of its platforms.

Sandbox Brawl Turns Into GOP Debate

Thirteen children, all from very affluent neighborhoods, staked out a turf war in a Las Vegas sandbox. Las Vegas police told us that this seems to be a trend going on around the country about every four to five weeks.

CalTech Scientist Surprised to Find Willard Scott Still Alive

According to Caltech Astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich, there is a distinct possibility that Willard Scott is still alive. Dr. Aldrich, who has written extensively on String Theory and alternative universes, maintains that what we see and perceive on a daily basis is may not be real, however he is willing to make an exception for the weather presenter, author, television personality and occasional actor.

Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Releases New Music Video

Following a bizarre incident this week where a six-car train with passengers on board left a suburban Boston transit station and went through four stations without stopping, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority or MBTA released a new music video in attempts to calm the nerves of the public.

Native Americans to Build African-American Tuskegee Casino

Native Americans and African-Americans are joining forces to create the Nation's first African-American Casino in Tuskegee, Alabama. As first of its kind, it will be built and managed by United Auburn Indian Community, a Native American tribe consisting of mostly Miwuk and Maidu Indians indigenous to the Sacramento Valley region.
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Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.