May, 2022

National News

Brief: Speaker Paul Ryan Flips-Off President Obama

United States Speaker of the House of Representatives Paul Ryan made a vulgar gesture towards President Obama as he made his way through the crowd to deliver his annual State of the Union Speech.

BLM Sends Rip Taylor to Decorate Occupied Oregon Building

The Bureau of Land Management of BLM announced in a prepared press release that they had no other choice but to order American actor and comedian Rip Taylor to decorate the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

Brief: Tinfoil Hats No Longer Effective

Groups of conspiracy theorists and alien watchers have used tinfoil hats to repel both government broadcasts and alien brain waves. Scientists are now finding them to no longer be an effective means of protection.

Local Conservatives to Send Other People’s Kids to Oregon Militia Siege

In a decision consistent with past wars and conflicts, local conservatives have overwhelmingly voted to send other people's kids to fight, and presumably die, at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon in order to preserve what they call "the sanctity of the Constitution."

Study: Google Discriminates Against African-Americans

A 2 year study by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has determined that the Internet behemoth Google, Inc., which is a subsidiary of the newly formed Alphabet Inc. is actively discriminating against African-African Americans on a number of its platforms.
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Popular

Trump Country Mask Use Triples After Recovering Patients Turn Gay

Across the country, many have taken to wearing protective masks after learning that COVID-19 increases gay activity.

Study: Mosul Top “Blue State” Baby Name for 2017

The Rundex Family Foundation has released its annual "Top Baby Names Report" for 2017 with some expected and surprising results. This year, Rundex partnered with IBM's Watson Technology to harvest the super computer's ability to parse "big data."

Leaked: Former White House Communication Director Caught with His Hand in a Mooch

A leaked White House pool photograph shows a controversial picture of staffers on a flight to a campaign-style Trump rally in Wisconsin in 2016.

Psychic Fair Organizers Fail To Predict Catering Error

Mayhem struck the annual psychic fair held in Nevada City last weekend when organizers failed to predict a significant catering issue that left hundreds of attendees without food and beverages for the entire event.

Area Man To Lawfully Wed The Constitution

Area community activist, Tea Party member and formerly overly enthusiastic Glenn Beck supporter Brock Whalen announced on his website that he plans on lawfully wedding the United States Constitution.