August, 2022

National News

Man with Chlamydia Discovers What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas

A Kent, WA man has learned the hard way not to trust marketing slogans. 38 year old married father of 2 Jimmy Fostersen recently attended his company's annual convention in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Christian Scientist Claims Being Christian is Genetic; Being Gay is a Choice.

A Liberty University 'scientist' who used 'God's guidance,' has determined that being Christian is genetic.

Dove Releases Soap Dispenser Products For “Washing Your Asshole”

The United Kingdom-base Dove announced today a new line of soap dispenser products specifically designed to clean your butt hole. The new product, called Dove Real Clean, is targeted at the growing "anus grooming" market.

ISIS Spokesman: Terror Group ‘Really Grateful’ NRA Has Made Getting Guns So Easy

An unidentified Daesh fighter released a video on YouTube over the weekend praising The National Rifle Association for "making it super-duper easy-peasy to get firearms in America."

New Study: Chemtrails Are Great For Your Complexion

At Sierra Community College in Grass Valley, CA, science student Sandra Willis has made an ironic discovery about the utility of chemtrails: they are great for you're complexion. Sandra Willis' discovery might sway naysayers into the pro-chemtrail camp.
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Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.

Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda

Conservatives immediately called for a Congressional investigation.