January, 2022

National News

FEMA Statement: We’re Fucked

Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) released a statement saying that we're doomed and have no hope.

Mark Zuckerberg Sues Gish Gallop for an Undisclosed Amount

Sources say that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg had teamed up with hacktivist group Anonymous to trace the hoax post back to its origin. The post promises that Zuckerberg will hand over a bunch of money to some dummy if they repost it.

The Media Tells the Media Not to Trust the Media

Over the past few months, the media has been blaming the media for all of the media's problems.

Health Nut News Facebook Page Bought by Gish Gallop

Moments after being shut down for violating Facebook's community standards, the 92-year-old publication Gish Gallop purchased the troubled page and planned to relaunch it as an orgonite and pro-beef industry re-education page.

Joe Manchin Offers to Babysit West Virginia Kids So Mom Can Work

The generally even-tempered West Virginia Senator made a surprising offer.


Damnation Army Seeks Important Satanist Thrift Shopping Demographic

According to a prospectus provided by the Church, their Citrus Heights flagship store has grown by over 400%.

Subaru Announces 2023 Limited Edition Bernie Sanders Outback

Japanese automaker Subaru announced earlier this week that it plans on releasing a limited run of what is tentatively called the Bernie Sanders Outback LE or Limited Edition.

State of Jefferson Website Honored with Layout of the Year Award

The Jurisdiction of the Jefferson State Militia website was nominated last year for its innovative design and faced stiff competition.

Inflation Concerns Drive Motel 6 to Rename to Motel 7

The 56-year-old budget hospitality and lodging chain Motel 6 announced this week that it is going to rename itself given extraordinary inflation and economic pressures.

Mormon Graffiti Saved Man in Idaho Truck Stop

The Mormon church has been around since the mid-1800's by Joseph Smith under questionable pretenses. It has since grown to 14 million members around the world. The Mormons use all manner of recruiting tools to save souls.