May, 2022

Local News

Cell Phone Tower Doubles in Size Following Record Rains

The controversial cell phone tower with was erected in Grass Valley's Brunswick Basin has grown by over 70 feet following a record-setting year for rainfall.

Area Lottery Winner Plans to Travel and Masturbate Frequently

Recent multi-million dollar California Lottery winner Derrick Lopez of Fresno, CA told his friends on Facebook that he wants to fulfill his dreams of traveling the world following his huge windfall.

Woman Proactively Honks Horn in Roundabout

An area woman admitted on Thursday that she honks her horn as she travels around Grass Valley's Roundabout in her 1999 forest green Cherokee Sport to warn other drivers not to enter in front of her.

CIA Agent Can’t Unsee What She’s Seen on Your Webcam

Yeah, you're being spied on, and they don't like it either.

Smartest Man In The World Drives Like An Asshole

Samuel Richards has been proclaimed the "smartest man in the world" with 7 degrees, an Oxford Fellowship, a Nobel Prize, and the winner of a ballroom dancing championship. But, unfortunately, Mr. Richards has one major flaw: he drives like an asshole.


Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Rand Paul Salutes Dead Kids For Dying For Your Liberty

Calls for Rand Paul to resign are growing.

Several Kids Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Anti-Vaxxer Group Gets Polio on India Trip

A group of "anti-vax" Christian evangelicals became very ill after visiting one of the world's poorest places.

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.