December, 2021

Local News

Asperger’s Support Group Awkwardly Silent

A weekly support group meeting of Asperger's patients was awkwardly silent for the 6th straight week according to participant Don Bessert of Plymouth, MA.

2.5 Mile Comet to Impact Local Man’s Thoughts

Playing off recent reports that a super-comet is scheduled to impact Earth in the same time frame, Mr. Wolford wanted to stress to the largely disinterested and sometimes nervous crowd that this calamitous event was really about him.

California Proposes Special “Camps” For Anti-Vaxxers

In a last-minute press conference called to address the recent contagious disease outbreaks, California Governor Newsom proposed a solution to deal with the Anti-Vaccination or Anti-Vax movement.

Body Found in Bed Just a Lazy Teenager

Police were called to the 11000 block of Rhode Island Street this week after residents of the home discovered what they thought was a dead body in one of the beds.

Biden Proposes Drones for Chemtrail Operations

In a surprise executive order, the Biden Administration announced plans to license and deploy aerial drones to conduct Chemtrail spraying operations.
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Anonymous Hackers Destroy Bitcoin

Anonymous hackers hacked into multiple databases related to the mining of BTC, individual users' wallets, and other various networks working with BTC exchange as a whole.

Start-Up Facing Backlash over Patented Spider Air Filters

Texas start-up Breathe-Clean has come under fire for it's SpiderEasy of hypoallergenic air-filters which feature live genetically modified arachnids who, in the words of company spokes person Bethany Millbright "eat the particles that humans can't see."

Christian “Terrorists” in Trouble for Illegal Chemtrailing

A group of Christian chemtrailers are in trouble with both civil and military aviation officials for using their aircraft to spread the "the divine Word of Christ."

Easy Bake Oven Thwarted by LED Light Bulb

Warren Grant of Nevada City became agitated on Wednesday when his daughter's Christmas Gift, a "retro" Kenner Easy Bake Oven, failed to cook the small-batch cake mix.

Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs

The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.