May, 2022

Local News

Report: 5G Radiation Makes You Happier

A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.

Area Boomer Recalls the 3 Days He Spent in the Woodstock Festival Traffic Jam

Retired 10th grade English teacher David Blakemore of Nevada City recent spoke to a small gathering in Nevada Union High School's drama department about his exciting adventures during the 1969 Woodstock Music & Art Fair.

Man Driving Used Police Car: Why Do People Treat Me Weird?

People have been driving strangely around Hank Snow after the Grass Valley handyman purchased a surplus Crowne Victoria Police car.

Area Man Pays with a Check

Local SPD cashier Megan Albright was temporarily confused on Thursday when grocery store patron and long Nevada City resident Toby “Doob” Carnevale attempted to use a check to purchase a single Mentos candy.

ISIS Invades and Attacks Area Man’s Brain

Mr. Jason Dant, 32, informed his social network "friends" that he intends to enter into "battle" with these forces until liberty and the American Christian way has prevailed.
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Popular

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA couple Carolyn and Jarrett Roush had an embarrassing misunderstanding.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.