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October, 2021

Local News

Chemtrail Believer Bullied by “Math Thugs”

Mary McAlister seemed surprised that others took issue with her incendiary share of a billboard picture that warned people of the dangers of geoengineering.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffered the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Downtown Cell Towers to Power New Popeyes Fried Chicken

After the committee announced that it would allow Verizon contractor Epic Wireless to install as many eight mini cell towers on top of the Friar Tuck's building, new Popeyes owner Nathan Armstrong said the increased Electromagnetic Field (EMF) radiation would help cut his energy costs.

Locals Patch Street Potholes with Pot

Nevada City residents have grown tired of waiting for the city to repair the roadway and recently decided to take matters into their own hands. They did this by planting a series of marijuana plants in the aging street's numerous potholes.

Area Anarcho-Capitalist Thinks Local Anarcho-Communist is Wrong

A rather heated argument broke out over the weekend between an area Anarcho-Capitalist and an Anarcho-Communist about which form of Anarchism is superior to the other.
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Online Ads for Giant Black Clocks Target Area Woman

Elaine Odell of Beaverton, OR wonders if she inadvertently answered the wrong question.

Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Idiot Exclaims: “I’m oppressed! Just watch them arrest me for storming the Oval Office.”

He was overheard shouting "Let's go Brandon" moments before being tackled by Secret Service personnel.

Supreme Court Justice Warren Buffett Found Dead

Longtime Supreme Court Justice Warren Buffett has died in his sleep according to the Omaha, Nebraska police department. His death, which comes after the suspicious passing of Justice Antonin Scalia's untimely death, further puts pressure on both President Biden and the Senate to appoint a successor.

Welder, Refusing Mask, Blinded in 4 Minutes

A Fresno man is recovering after exercising his freedom.