May, 2022

Earth News

Area “Flattard” Thinks “Flattard” Might be a Derogatory Slur

Area Flat Earth believer Ben M. Walkowiaksky believes that his new Facebook nickname "Flattard" might be a derogatory slur. Mr. Walkowiaksky was christen "Flattard Supreme" by the administrators of the popular Flat Earth Facebook Group "Flat Earth Education" over the weekend.

Trump Mulling Canadian Wall to Keep Americans In

Donald Trump announced today that he plans on building a wall along the Canadian border to keep Americans from leaving.

Macron “Accidentally” Gives Trump Wrong City for the “G6” Summit

A spokesperson for the French President denies giving Trump the wrong directions.

Flat Earthers Call On Trump to Change His Anti-‘Globalist’ Language

A Group of Flat Earth believers is calling on President Trump to stop using the word "globalist."

Ancient Egyptian Discovery a Great Disappointment

Archaeologists working near the site of the Library of Alexandria in Egypt, famed cultural center of the ancient world, uncovered a massive trove of parchments, scrolls, and manuscripts this week, calling it, "the single greatest Anthropological disappointment in history."
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Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Rand Paul Salutes Dead Kids For Dying For Your Liberty

Calls for Rand Paul to resign are growing.

Several Kids Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Anti-Vaxxer Group Gets Polio on India Trip

A group of "anti-vax" Christian evangelicals became very ill after visiting one of the world's poorest places.

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.