July, 2022

Earth News

TSA Luggage Disaster Blamed on Mercury Retrograde

After thousands of bags have become lost or misplaced at airports across the country, officials at Phoenix's Sky Harbor Airport blamed the mishaps on an astrological phenomena called "Mercury Retrograde."

Burning Man Renamed Burning Person

In a move that many on the right have called ‘long overdue’, the Burning Man Festival will be officially changing its name to the Burning Person Festival in solidarity with the modern social justice movement and gender rights.

Toyota Signs 10-Year Sponsorship Deal with the Islamic State

The Toyota Motor Corporation reportedly struck a 10-year sponsorship deal with the Islamic State (ISIS,ISIL), aligning themselves alongside the world's leading global terrorist organization.

Organic GMO Oil To Hit The Market Soon

In the global oil market, innovation is what separates the winners from the losers. With crude oil prices at historic lows, innovating newer and cheaper ways to get that oil has enabled Cen Corp to thrive.

Cher To Wed Robert Plant At Westminster Abbey

Cher's longtime publicist announced this morning that Pop Icon Cher and Rock Icon Robert Plant have reserved the Westminster Abbey for their wedding on January 17th.
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Gish Gallop Salutes Our Heroes: Paul Horner Dead at 76

Fake-news pioneer Paul Horner, whose hoaxes drew international attention on the Internet and during the 2016 presidential election, died in Phoenix on Sept. 18, officials confirmed. He was 76-ish.

Florida Rape Victim Performs ‘Self-Abortion’ with AR-15

In Florida, while rape victims have to wait a full day to get an abortion, anyone can buy an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle with absolutely no waiting period whatsoever.

Sandy Hook Crisis Actor Disappears in Prison

An inmate at the co-ed Saint Applewhite Prison has gone missing, leaving officials laughing and explaining that she probably never existed in the first place.

Obama Showed Trump “The Film” During Private White House Meeting

During a private meeting last November in the oval office, then President Obama gave President-elect Donald Trump a courtesy "heads-up" by showing the controversial incoming Republican what White House insiders call "The Film."

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.