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October, 2021

Earth News

Dairy Industry Tests Fracking Technology on Cows

Researchers at the Monsanto Center of Agricultural Development located at the Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri have announced a breakthrough discovery using oil shale hydraulic fracturing or "fracking" technology to dramatically improve dairy cow milk production.

Trump Invites Taliban to Mar-a-Lago After Calling Them “great negotiators”

The information about the invitation leaked this past weekend when it appeared that the Biden Administration lost the Afghanistan evacuation publicity war.

Keith Richards Found Not Dead in San Francisco Hotel

Emergency personnel were summoned to the posh Bourges Hotel in San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf District this morning. In an official briefing at 10 am, Pacific time, in the Bourges convention hall, Ms. D’lune spoke through tears to the media.

Cthulhu Joins Amway

In what is being discussed as a deathblow to Earth and its inhabitants, Cthulhu (pronounced Khlûl′-hloo), the gigantic, wholly evil entity worshiped by cultists who conducts human sacrifices, has joined Amway. This announcement sent shocks through the MLM world, as well as terrifying humanity.

Jeff Bezos Releases Photos of Tesla’s Starman Mars Arrival

Jeff Bezo's Blue Origin Blue Moon Interstellar Explorer released exclusive photos of SpaceX Starman's arrival on Mars.
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Container Load of Sex Toys Wash Up on Alameda Shorefront

The accident underscores supply and distribution chain issues that keep economic growth flaccid.

Babylon Bee Announces Anti-Masturbation App

Christians have new hope for a current "hand-demic."

Online Ads for Giant Black Clocks Target Area Woman

Elaine Odell of Beaverton, OR wonders if she inadvertently answered the wrong question.

Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Idiot Exclaims: “I’m oppressed! Just watch them arrest me for storming the Oval Office.”

He was overheard shouting "Let's go Brandon" moments before being tackled by Secret Service personnel.