July, 2022

Earth News

Starfleet Cancels Plans for San Francisco-Based Headquarters

Authorities speaking for the space research and exploration organization Starfleet have confirmed a long-rumored decision to postpone construction of the San Francisco-based Starfleet Academy.

CERN Scientists: We May Be on an Alternate Reality Pathway

The scientists at CERN Laboratories, or European Organization for Nuclear Research in Switzerland, have finally isolated and studied the elusive Higgs-Boson particle, also known as the 'God particle'. The findings of the study are startling, to say the least.

Trump Official: Nuclear War with North Korea May Lead to Nuclear War

According to Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Intelligence Oversight Michael T. Mahar, a nuclear war with North Korea may lead to nuclear war.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.

Cthulhu Joins Amway

In what is being discussed as a deathblow to Earth and its inhabitants, Cthulhu (pronounced Khlûl′-hloo), the gigantic, wholly evil entity worshiped by cultists who conducts human sacrifices, has joined Amway. This announcement sent shocks through the MLM world, as well as terrifying humanity.
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Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.

Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda

Conservatives immediately called for a Congressional investigation.

Democrat Gay Communist CRT Trans Athlete from the Chinese part of Venezuela to Challenge Ron DeSantis in 2022

The re-elect Desantis campaign jumped into action only to find itself unable to attack the Chinese-Venezuelan athlete.

Hanes Trademarks OxyCotton

In what is raising more than a few eyebrows in the garment industry, Hanes Brands, the parent company of the popular line of Hanes undergarments has trademarked the phrase OxyCotton for its new line of mens and women's underwear.