May, 2022

Earth News

The Four Horsemen Appearance Over Trump’s Scottish Golf Course Has Citizens Spooked

Residents of the Turnberry resort in Scotland were spooked over the weekend when the four horsemen of the apocalypse appears over the signature Trump golf course, the UK Daily Mail is reporting.

Fracked Well Water 100% Safe as Lighter Fluid, Industry Says

Researchers using a sensitive chemical analysis say they have found evidence of fracking fluids in well water near a shale gas drilling site in Bradford County, Pennsylvania. An industry spokeswoman said the hydraulically fractured well water is as safe as ordinary lighter fluid.

Report: 5G Radiation Makes You Happier

A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.

President Trump Signs Executive Order Officially Classifying U.S. As Alternative Christian Nation

Despite Republicans' eight year criticism of former President Barack Obama's use of executive orders, their newly inaugurated commander in chief has not been shy to write several himself in just his first week in office.

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested At Art Exhibit In Palestine; Identity Revealed

The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, painter, film director and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by Palestine Police.
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Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Rand Paul Salutes Dead Kids For Dying For Your Liberty

Calls for Rand Paul to resign are growing.

Several Kids Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Anti-Vaxxer Group Gets Polio on India Trip

A group of "anti-vax" Christian evangelicals became very ill after visiting one of the world's poorest places.

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.