December, 2021

Art

Bernie Sanders to Play Noam Chomsky in Upcoming Biopic

According to sources close to Bernie Sanders, the Senator of Vermont has agreed to portray MIT Linguist and Social Scientist Noam Chomsky in an upcoming biopic.

Long-Lost William Burroughs Children’s Book Scheduled for August Release

Late in December, a St. Louis man received an anonymous call from a downtown number. The caller didn't identify himself, but he told the 44-year-old that "he had to see this" and to "get your [his] ass down to the old book depository on Chestnut Street. You [he] gotta see this."

Sacramento City College Grants Joe Rogan Honorary AA Degree

Mr. Rogan plans no immediate career changes but is open to teaching a few classes.

American Sniper to be Made into a Lego Movie

In an expected announcement from Warner Brothers Pictures, the entertainment giant says it plans on producing a Lego version of its hugely popular, Clint Eastwood-directed film American Sniper. According to a Warner Brothers internal memo, after a long negotiation with Legos executives, the large media company was able to give them "an offer they couldn't refuse."

Ted Cruz to Star in Next Batman Movie

According to Hollywood insiders, Presidential hopeful and Tea Party favorite Senator Ted Cruz has announced a multi-year contract with Warner Brothers Picture to star in as many as 3 Batman films as "the Penguin."
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Popular

Easy Bake Oven Thwarted by LED Light Bulb

Warren Grant of Nevada City became agitated on Wednesday when his daughter's Christmas Gift, a "retro" Kenner Easy Bake Oven, failed to cook the small-batch cake mix.

Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs

The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.

Why I Should Be The Next Supreme Court Justice

There is a lot of controversy going on in our government about the next Supreme Court justice and who should be allowed to choose them. I have a simple solution, choose me.

Dalai Lama Finds Time to Relax with a Fidget Spinner

His holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, surprised audience members at this year's 7th Annual Ohio Spiritual Awakening Festival or OSAF when he mentioned that he used a fidget spinner to occasionally "relax and center himself after a hectic day."

Native Americans Build Wall Through Arlington National Cemetery

After being betrayed by the Federal government once again, a group of Native American activists are striking back.