November, 2021

Chemtrails

Area Woman Can’t Spell ‘Medical Marijuana’

Ardwelia Kushborn of Nevada City is a local clothing entrepreneur and medical marijuana advocate. However despite her enthusiasm for what she calls "grass roots medicine," she can't spell the words "medical marijuana," so she cleverly resorts to the abbreviations MMJ or more simply, MJ.

Area Psychic/Remote Viewer Sees Nothing Interesting

Area clairvoyant, spirit channeller and "remote viewer" Nico Mooney admitted to his friends this past week that he can indeed remote view phenomena all around the world, however what he sees is boring and uneventful.

Gish Gallop on the Street: What Does Oriental Taste Like?

Gish Gallop was curious on what "Oriental" Top Ramen tasted like. So we asked a few grocery store customers for their opinion on this popular flavor.

Multiverse Traveler Disappointed to Find Obama in All Realities

Treasurer of the Nevada County Citizens’ Committee on Benghazi and quantum physicist Gregory Whitaker announced a startling scientific breakthrough at a press conference outside his laboratory in Grass Valley early today.

New Study: Chemtrails Are Great For Your Complexion

At Sierra Community College in Grass Valley, CA, science student Sandra Willis has made an ironic discovery about the utility of chemtrails: they are great for you're complexion. Sandra Willis' discovery might sway naysayers into the pro-chemtrail camp.
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Adobe to Retire Impact Meme Font

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.

Middle Manager to Find Out Who’s Snoring on Conference Calls

Area middle manager Pajas Balasubramanian has been tasked with the thankless job of finding out who keeps snoring on company conference calls. Mr. Balasubramanian, a naturalized American citizen from New Delhi, India, is currently the Managers of Education Experience for local firm Video Axcell.

Rand Paul Under Fire For Accepting Stimulus Money

The usually anti-government Senator from Kentucky says there's nothing wrong with taking federal stimulus money.

Canada Considers Replacing Maple Leaf with Gravy Ladle

A group of Canadian nationalists are petitioning the government in Ottawa to replace the maple leaf on the Canadian flag with something more representative of the Great White North.

Office Worker Unsure Why Cheeto Goes Uneaten

Area technology worker and parental advice expert Brent Underwood doesn't understand why no one will eat the last Cheetos® in the break room. The lone puffy snack treat, which has sat in a paper tray for over 3 hours, has not been fondled nor eaten leading Mr. Underwood confused about what's wrong with it.