Sacramento, CA — In an effort to keep Californians at home during the July 4th holiday season, the Department of Health and Humans Services issued a statement recommending that people launch fireworks from inside their homes.

“We are asking Californians to do whatever they can to reduce COVID-19 spread. So effective immediately, we recommend that Californians take their 4th of July celebrations into their homes this weekend,” said Health and Human Services Communications Director Bethany Millbright. “By protecting others against the spread of the coronavirus, you’re protecting yourself and your loved ones.”

The guidance was vague, leaving many to assume that lighting flammable fireworks inside your home was acceptable.

“I’m totally doing this,” said Roseville, CA resident Chad Bradley who had recently purchased over $500 of illegal fireworks on Craigslist. “I’m going to light them all off at the same when Trump gives his speech at Mount Rushmore. It’s going to be one hell of a show in my living room.”

Area Fire Departments, however, have a different interpretation of the HHS statement.

“We do not recommend igniting any fireworks in or even near your home,” said Davis, CA Fire Chief Gary Feuerhaus. “That would be both unwise and extremely dangerous. I’ve called the governor’s office to ask him to clarify their statement.”

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