Recent Vacaville Transplant Tommy Empire.
Recent Vacaville Transplant Tommy Empire.

Cedar Ridge, CA — Area man and fresh Vacaville, CA transplant Tommy Empire can’t for the life of him figure out why his new Samsung Galaxy mobile phone is constantly beeping. He’s read the manual and talked to customer support for over 3 hours and still can’t stop it from beeping.

“All Right. So I finally break down and get a smartie phone,” said an irritated Mr. Empire from his Cedar Ridge home, “and the god-damned thing keeps beeping all the time. Beep. Beep. Ding. Beep. All day long. I can’t even figure how to turn it off. There’s like 14 buttons on this thing and it looks all European or Chinese or something.”

According to his wife Peggy, she encouraged him to “get with the modern era” and “get a modern cell phone.”

“I told him,” said Ms. Empire over the telephone, “you better get a modern cell phone if you want to keep connected.”

Mr. Empire isn’t sure that he made the right decision to get a mobile phone and is considering returning the mobile phone to Costco in Roseville, CA.

“I’m not sure what I need to be connected to,” continued an irritated Mr. Empire. ” I like my peace and quiet. That’s why I moved here. First every appliance had these annoying blue LED lights, now I have this phone that dinging and beeping all the time. I’m not sure my life is better because of it.”

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