New York, NY — In his first public comments since the former NBC anchorman was caught lying about his involvement in an Iraq helicopter mission, Brian Williams admitted this morning that he was at the 1997 stabbing event of Presidential hopeful Ben Carson. The stabbing event, which apparently occurred in Mr. Williams’ mind, happened when the soft-spoken neurosurgeon was at a Christian event speaking about Old Testament history.
“We have some idea how the perpetrator carried this out,” said Mr. Williams to a small press conference. “It happens to be a person I had spoken with a week earlier on an assignment in South Africa. Then after I returned to the United States on assignment in Philadelphia, I met Dr. Carson and was shadowing him for a future NBC feature on powerful African-Americans. As I sat in the audience, he spoke of when dinosaurs roamed the Earth with humans. Then the perpetrator approached the podium brandishing a knife. Thinking quickly, I tackled and subdued him until the authorities arrived. It’s what anyone would have done. To this day, Ben sends me little gifts and trinkets of appreciation.”
According to the Carson campaign, there was no such speaking engagement in 1997 and the Presidential candidate “has no comment on dinosaurs and as to how they related to human evolution.” Carson communication director Doug Watts released the following statement.
“We appreciate Mr. Williams kinds words and fantastical attempts at a narrative. But Mr. Carson was very busy in 1997 saving people’s lives and not attending any speaking engagements. Mr. Carson has never sent Mr. Williams any gifts. He has never met the man.”
As for Brian Williams, he doubled down on his claim in a later interview with NBC anchorman Lester Holt.
“That’s right Lester, I was there in the front row,” said an animated and gleaming Mr. Williams on live television. “I jumped from my seat to save Dr. Carson. However, on my way to the podium, someone got in front of me and I had to throw him out of my way. I then reached for the perpetrator’s ankles and yanked him off the stage. His head made a thump on the carpeted floor. That’s when he recognized me from my interview with him in South Africa. He said, ‘Brian, and to think that I thought we were friends.’ And that was his last words. He perished right there in the Hyatt conference room.”
According to NBC News, this recent revelation in Brian Williams mind has not improved his standing at the news organization.