Breaking News: Bill Clinton Dead Of Apparent Suicide

Bill Clinton pictured here hours before his apparent suicide.
Bill Clinton pictured here hours before his apparent suicide.

Little Rock, AR — Our nation enters a time of mourning as former President Bill Clinton was found dead today of an apparent suicide. The Little Rock police have released that he had hung himself in his hotel room. A maid for the hotel discovered President Clinton at 12:05 pm this afternoon, hanging from a sheet tied around the rooms sprinkler nozzle.

Hillary Clinton, who tried running for President, was at the couple’s estate in New York taking time off. Former President Clinton was in Little Rock visiting business leaders.

Controversy is beginning to swirl around as more than 724 former Clinton associates, friends, family members and even pets have died of mysterious circumstances. Many conspiracy theorists believe former President Clinton to be number 49 on Hillary’s kill list.

Geoff Brant, blogger at spoke to Gish Gallop regarding the suicide.

“Suicide! HAHA, right like 723 other Clinton associates ‘committed’ suicide,” said an animated Brant. “Let’s just say, ol’ Billy got himself in hot water with the Queen and she had him beheaded.”

President Obama has ordered flags to half-staff in honor of former President Clinton. Religious leaders condemned him for glorifying suicide, that Mr. Clinton is now burning in hell for that sin.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager, Robert Mook, released a statement on Hillary’s behalf.

“We are in mourning now. Hillary wishes to be left alone as she travels to the Caribbean to mourn her husband. She will speak to the press upon her return”.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.