Somewhere beneath Palo Alto, CA – Hidden away, deep beneath the Palo Alto countryside, from inside his secret state-of-the-art nuclear bunker, Elon Musk today announced to a handful of global investors that it was his desire to create a “legion of artificially intelligent super-robots, capable of humanoid/vehicular transformation.”
According to sources, the declaration was met with some concern. Joseph Jevon, ambassador for the Welsh Anti-Automation Network Committee (WAANC), is believed to have said this of the concept: “It’s insane, and the product of an unhinged mind. It isn’t enough that these people have robots milking our cows, they want to put them on our streets now, too. At WAANC, we feel it is our duty to fight against all forms of humanoid automation.”
Jevon is understood to be a vocal adversary of the robotics industry after sustaining multiple injuries, during a visit to the Lumidolls bordello, in Barcelona, Spain.
Following the announcement, representatives for Boston Dynamics were said to be furious. In a brief statement, they called for Musk to be disavowed by the Terminator Program, and placed on the sex offenders register.
This comes after a leaked online video showed their prestigious Spot Mini being defeated by a handful of banana-skins. The clip subsequently went viral, and caused some to infer that the Boston-based robotics firm’s apparent disdain was largely due to them feeling under pressure to deliver, in the face of growing competition.
When pressed, a spokesman for the Tesla chief confirmed that ‘Project Decepticon’ was set to be given the green light, regardless of underwhelming support. “The only feasible way to terraform planets, such as Mars, is to create a technology devoid of human fragility. The way we see it, Decepticons are the ideal candidates for the job,” he said.
When asked whether Decepticons, as opposed to Autobots, were a good idea, he declared Autobots to be, “lazy, incapable of completing successful, global-scale planet modification missions, and a menace to hard-working robots everywhere.”
Following the leak, Japanese owned company Toyota announced its decision to move ahead with ‘Project Optimus,’ in an attempt to compete with Musk’s ambitions.