Towson, MD — The Black and Decker corporation announced a nationwide recall of his new line of drone-operated chainsaws after several reports of injuries and unintentional pruning of trees. In recent years, Black & Decker has faced stiff competition forcing the 110-year-old company to innovate aggressively.
One such innovation, that company CEO touted in a 2017 press release their “Flying Chainsaw.” Critics and safety experts at the time were skeptical, but following a 42 million dollar deal with Home Depot, the public bought them as fast as Black & Decker could make them.
“Look, I wasn’t so sure about these things,” said Fresno, CA Home Depot store manager Kevin Hanks. “But the customers couldn’t get enough of them. But it didn’t take long before we started hearing the stories.”
Although no one has yet to been seriously injured, the Flying Chainsaw has been a part of several unplanned and unfortunate pruning accidents. According to the company in the recall memo, this was primarily due to several unforeseen software glitches in the onboard Artificial Intelligence system.
“Of course we put the FC [Flying Chainsaw] through numerous test and simulation cycles,” said Black & Decker chief engineer Hal Barks. “But the thing is, it sometimes made mistakes identifying branches from other things like, well, telephone poles, mailbox stands, and in at least four situations, support posts on people’s porches.”
One customer in Seattle reported that his Flying Chainsaw “simply flew off and never came back.”
“It was much like my ex-wife, but nicer; I suppose,” Dick Renners of Mercer Island, WA. “I was trying to get an elm tree trimmed up, and it just bolted without reason. Later on, I heard that someone,” Mr. Renners cleared his throat, “had cut several of the pilings below Elliott’s [Oyster House] down at the pier, and part of it had fallen into the [Puget] Sound. Let’s say I didn’t volunteer any information.”
Black & Decker admitted no wrong-doing but promised to pay for any damages caused by its Flying Chainsaw. The company also said it’s offering $50 gift certificates for any Elliott’s customers who might have fallen into the Puget Sound.